Realisation

So... um yeah. Realisation. I have come to realise that.... i cant live without Him. I really really really really cant. Aku bukan cakap camni sebab "oh duhhhh Dia yg cipta kau ofcourse kau xleh hidup tanpa dia" atau "psshhh Dia yg kurniakan rezeki utk kau mmg ah"... no. Aku tak boleh tinggalkan solat, kalau tak aku macam kucing yang baru kena buang kat tepi hutan. Aku macam lalat yang masuk dalam kereta lepastu semua tingkap tertutup. Aku macam semut yang dalam bilil air yang basah. Aku jadi tak senang, aku tal boleh control, aku hilang arah tuju, aku macam orang yang naik kereta tanpa destinasi. Aku tak boleh hidup tanpa Dia.... jujur, aku tak boleh.

Setiap kali aku tinggalkan solat, aku tak senang. Setiap kali aku terus bangun lepas solat, aku tak sedap hati. Kalau aku keluar tak tutup aurat dengan sempurna, aku akan rasa bersalah. Dan perasaan perasaan ini is eating me away. From the inside. Im torturing myself. By not doing his do's and not avoiding his dont's, im like.... killing myself (?) I think so.

My point is, theres a reason why He created do's and dont's. Why He tell us to pray 5 times a day, read the quran, and puasa pada bulan ramadhan. Its for us too. Do u see how much He loves us? And how much He wants the best for us? How much je cares for us????? I just realised all of this today.

Im such a bad person. But He still loves me. He gave me the feeling of guilt... ya allah aku minta maaf.... banyaknya dosa aku ni ya allah....

Thats all. Bye.